Marieke provided a great post yesterday in this same vein. When I started this diet 8 months ago I felt very virtuous and self-congratulatory. I was quick to tell people that I had joined the diet, to pat myself on the back, and to bask in their awe at my incredible willpower.
As time has passed, I’ve had the opportunity to reflect on what my willpower means, and my self-congratulations have turned to shame. “Willpower,” by definition, means that I have more than enough of what I need. That’s why I have to exercise it to say “no” to more clothes, more calories, etc. and the list goes on and on. How lucky am I to be faced with the need for willpower every single day of my life? Cute shirt that looks suspiciously similar to the one I bought last summer? No thank you. Second helping of dinner? No thank you. Dessert afterward? No thank you… What a luxury to be faced with these choices and opportunities for willpower every day!?!
Many times in history, and all over the world even today, there are people who feel lucky to have even one change of clothes to put on while they are washing their other outfit. In eras and cultures like that–where there is rarely more than anything available above basic needs–is there even a word for “willpower”? Does the concept even exist? If I were a socio-linguist I might just take this project on.
It’s funny–these days, when I tell people that I am on the diet, I quickly follow it with an apologetic observation that I am lucky to have enough clothes in my closet to do this. What a luxury! I am done patting my back.
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Interesting thoughts! I think of “willpower” not so much as having enough, but being able to have self-control to stay within your means. So many people these days are in debt just because they want something more, newer, faster, shinier. I think there may be two sides to it all…the being-so-lucky-we-can-turn-things-down and the staying-within-your-means. Sometimes they overlap, but sometimes they don’t. There’s also the entire side of willpower that doesn’t have to do with tangible things…the willpower to tell the truth when you know it’s not popular, the willpower to keep going to work everyday when it’s not fun (I guess we can be glad if we have a job, though!).
That said I relate to feeling a little smug at first when I joined this diet (heck, I’m not sure I’m out of my smugness phase yet), and I definitely relate to feeling so lucky that I have what I have (which is wayyy more than enough).
Great post, Erika.
I think of it as more of a process of acceptance. I generally don’t have much of an urge to consume, it’s more along the lines of something to do when I’m bored. I definitely feel better when I have purchased something, but I guess the feeling passes eventually, and then buyer’s guilt sets in.
What helps me is to think, “what would this be used for?”. If I cannot foresee a purpose for whatever it is I want, I realize I don’t need it. This blouse will not make me feel whole, or bring me peace, or give me happiness. Only I can do that for myself.
I guess “will power” is just something that must be exercised, as one exercises muscle. Walk into a store where you’d normally buy clothes. Do you feel attached to them? Do you feel they will make you whole? Breathe deeply, focus on what you are, on the urges you feel, and accept that as a part of yourself. Accept that you want these clothes, but realize that you do not need them. Couldn’t this be your form of will-power?
Thanks for all your comments. Marieke has some good tips for getting past the shopping urge. I actually have been very successful on this diet–it’s been fairly easy for me to exercise willpower–I only had one marginal cheat that my wonderful fellow dieters concluded was okay. What’s changed is not my ability to exercise willpower, which remains strong, it’s how I feel about my willpower. I used to be proud of it, but now I feel it is a reminder to me that I am a blessed person in a wealthy country. If I didn’t have any money or any stores to visit, I wouldn’t have to exercise willpower, now would I? I just wouldn’t have any options at all. That’s one of the great realizations of TGAAD for me.
A friend shared with me an affirmation that she frequently uses — “I am enough, I have enough, I do enough”. . . I have found this useful when I am in the “more, more, more” frame of mind (which is often, I must confess). One of my areas of “more” is activity — I seem to feel I need to fill every moment. Shopping is one thing that I use (or have traditionally used) as an activity — and that of course translates into the “more” of stuff. As I accept that “I am enough” (or as another poster put it that I am whole) then the “I have enough and I do enough” parts will come more easily.