The Great American Apparel Diet, no limits on portion size! Wear as much as you like (as long as it’s not new). Devour your closet until you are satisfied, not stuffed. Chomp through your drawers until you are brimming not bloated. Within days you will feel lighter, brighter and more confident. In one small year (that’s 365 days, 8,760 hours) you will be satiated without the unwanted weight of debt, overstuffed closets and apparel hangovers. Start September 1st—your wallet and your sanity will thank you.
What you can and cannot consume on the Great American Apparel Diet
Let’s first discuss the things you can guzzle without guilt:
- Clothes currently in your closet, on hooks, in your drawers or on your floors. Go crazy, gobble them up as long as they are not new. Allow me to dissect the semantics of the word “new.” New is anything thing that resembles a complex carbohydrate (something you pay for). An item is “not new,” if it something a person gives you. Now, this can be complicated for you late night snackers who don’t think midnight calories count. Do not, you can not write a check to your husband or best friend and give them instructions or a wish list for your “must haves.” Those calories do count and technically once you go there you’re off the wagon and you’re likely to roll chubb-ily downhill.
- Footwear (technically boots that morph into a skirt are suspect and are considered apparel).
- Accessories. I will refer to Webster on this one: Noun: an article or set of articles of dress, as gloves, earrings, or a scarf, that adds completeness, attractiveness, etc. to one’s basic outfit.
- Underwear—every girl should have a great pair of underwear on at all times and I will say no more.
Now let’s discuss those nasty items that are sure to leave you bloated and disgusted with yourself:
- New clothes, the ones you pay money for (this includes outerwear, athletic wear and Halloween costumes).
My Big Fat Caveat
There are two women who have signed up for the diet but can only commit to a portion of it. Now I do not encourage this, in fact I frown on it, however, I am hard up for participants so I will make this one exception. They (Jeanine and Cindy) have decided to only buy from consignment and thrift stores (BTW I learned today from a young woman that to “thrift” or to go “thrifting,” means to go thrift store shopping). So those girls will probably be doing an exchange for money but do not fall under their influence. We commend Jeanine and Cindy for setting their bars low, and for trying as hard as they can to make the year long commitment.
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