The Great American Apparel Diet

no buying for one year

My friend and fellow dieter Jeannine  turned 50 on Saturday.  She celebrated with a lovely semi-formal dinner at her house.  She looked amazing in a tight little red dress that I remember talking her into buying about three years ago.  It is one of those timeless shealths that will last forever as long as she doesn’t gain a pound.  She’s a Bar Method addict so I don’t anticipate that happening anytime soon.  And for those of you who don’t know the Bar Method, you should check it out.   I looked pretty fab-o too in my old fancy clothes.  I wore a fish tail, black maxi skirt, (about 10 years old) with a great grey, low neck sweater  (3 years old).    Many of TGAAD dieters basked in the glow of our first friend turning 50.

Today I was hurtling down the freeway when Sean, one of my male friends who was also at Jeannine’s party, called to rehash the event, “I can’t believe Jeannine is 50!”  He said, a comment that I would expect from one of my female friends who seem to take closer look at those things.  “So what does “50″ look like anyway?” I asked him.  “Older than Jeannine.”

I think 50 is a number, much like 80 or 30, it carries some baggage. In my youth “50″ meant you were on the backside of life bracing yourself as you slid down the steep hill to something unimginable–not sure what.  Though my parents have never looked their age I assumed everyone else started to lose their youthful glow when they hit the halfway mark.  Jeannine, however, is living proof that 50 is the new 30 (does that mean 30 is the new 10?). 

I must say it is nice to have a friend who can pave the way.  I will be 50 in three years and 183 days, but who’s counting?  It is an ominious stake in the sand one that haunts me now and then, usually at soemone elses’ birthday celebration.  I think being “middle-aged,” has a lot to do with my current clothing frustration and quandary, the one that helped to spawn the TGAAD.  What does a modern 50 year old woman look like anyway?  How does she dress?  What is the look?   I guess I have my answer.  Thanks Jeannine.

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Hey guys, I would like to introduce you to Lois, our newest member of TGAAD.  Lois stumbled upon our blog while at the clog party with her best friend Julie from Show Pony.  She thinks going on the diet is going to be easy for her.  I think the reasons for her confidence are self explanatory. 

Julie, on accident, left Lois at my house after the party.  Lois  held court on our kitchen counter for five days.  My son dressed her in a sponge bob hat and claimed that she was “super creepy.”  My husband begged me to send Lois home, he didn’t like her personality.  He said he thought she was too quiet and he felt judged when she stared at him.  I don’t know, I kind of liked having Lois around—another woman to talk to in a house full of boys.  Anyway, yesterday after a lot of pressure from my family I returned Lois to Julie at Showpony.  It was a sad goodbye.  We hugged in the car and promised to stay in touch via the blog.  We both cried. 

And that’s when things really got interesting. 

Upon entering Show Pony (the cutest little store in all of Seattle) Lois whispered, “Look at all the amazing new clothes Julie has.”  My instincts were to slap her…such a temptress.  But I  didn’t dare do that within eye or earshot of the sales girl behind the counter.  I had no idea Lois could be such a bitch (you never really know anyone do you?).  Anyway, I told the sales woman that I was returning Lois.  She was excited to have her back in the store,  (I suspect it gets lonely without Lois around to talk to when things get slow).  I handed Lois to her and she set her on the counter, put a hat on her head and scarf around her neck.  Lois was transformed.  See what a few accessories can to do to a girl? I have to say, Lois looked amazing.   The hat was purple,  her color.

Of course, I couldn’t leave the store without touching some of the latest and greatest apparel on the racks.  But every time I stopped to ponder a new silhouette Lois screeched ….”Buy it!”  “You have to have it!”  “I won’t tell the other girls on the blog.”   “Do it!”  Lois was becoming Bride of Chuckie. “It will look fabulous on you,” she hissed.   It was a little like being in AA and having your best friend tell you to “chug it.”  Where’s the empathy? 

I was mad at first but then I realized Lois is just angry.  And that’s o.k.  We can’t all be perfect.   Perhaps this taunting is her way of getting back at the universe for just giving her a head, neck and décolletage.  I think we as a group can help her through that. 

But wow, if she’s angry now wait till she sees Stephanie’s body in a leotard.  

Can you all join me in welcoming Lois?  Welcome Lois!  We are looking forward to reading your blogs.

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Last night as I was rummaging around in my closet looking for something to wear it occurred to me that I have given, thrown or recycled a lot of clothes over the past ten years. Darn, I’d love to have some of those items back, and if not the items themselves the time it took for me to shop, clean, futz and manage them into my wardrobe. Especially now since I am no longer able to purchase any new apparel. I remember vividly, an amazing and probably overpriced DKNY sweater coat. A sort of retro 20s style with velvet accents. I wonder who’s wearing that gorgeous garment now. I wish I were.

This morning, right on the heels of my closet rummaging, I read an article in the NYTimes magazine about storage and consumerism.  By 2005, according to the Boston College sociologist Juliet B. Schol, the average consumer purchased one new piece of clothing every five and a half days.  

This eye-opening statistic got me thinking about a “slow clothing” movement. There are official slow food, slow money, slow travel and slow sex movements these days. Why not a slow clothing movement? I wondered.  And is The Great Amearican Apparel Diet the beginning of it? 

 I googled “slow clothing” and “slow fashion,” and guess what…we’re slow to the movement. People have been blogging about this for a long time. “Wear local,” they say—is that like a sweater made with Fido the family dog’s hair? Or does it mean belting your neighbor’s old drapes and wearing them as a topper, a la Maria Van Trapp? Maybe we could learn from the Hispanics who wear huarache sandals made from repurposed flat tires? Buy from a thrift store and then remake your own, the experts suggest. Sew the arms of one sweater to the bodice of another, cut off pants and make them into a patchwork skirt, turn a tube top into a Rasta hair band. I am envisioning a renaissance fair.

In one article I read in the Christian Science Monitor, the author challenged US households “to create a single outfit for every man, woman, and child that is homemade.” Going back to a bygone era, she also suggested that people mend and darn their clothes.

Good idea for those people who:

a.) Know the meaning of darn in this context.

b). Know how to darn or sew http://www.ehow.com/how_648_darn-sock.html

c). Have a sewing machine. ( Investment Tip: Buy Singer, Ticker Symbol: SEW, you heard it here).

Darn (as in Darn-it), I wish I had that DKNY sweater coat  and that brown Liz Claiborne maxi, corduroy coat from 1987, and let’s not forget the blinding Neon Obermeyer ski jacket I bought in 1992 to match the bottom of my K2s. Looking back, I admit, it was a wasteful, hedonistic and consumer-centric few decades—but we looked good.

Now, with my apparel budget cut to the quick and my participation in The Great American Apparel Diet, I am left fantasizing about my old wardrobe. I imagine a lovely waif of a “slow clothing movement” girl prancing down the runway of life in my old clothes and my Guess booties. I trust that she appreciates where her wardrobe began. I really hope, upon further reflection, that the “slow girl” hasn’t sewn the arms of my Obermeyer ski jacket onto the bodice of my brown Liz Claiborne Courdory Maxi coat. But if she has, all I can say is “you go–slow girl!”

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