The Great American Apparel Diet, no limits on portion size! Wear as much as you like (as long as it’s not new). Devour your closet until you are satisfied, not stuffed. Chomp through your drawers until you are brimming not bloated. Within days you will feel lighter, brighter and more confident. In one small year (that’s 365 days, 8760 hours) you will be satiated without the unwanted weight of debt, overstuffed closets and apparel hangovers. Start September 1st—your wallet and your sanity will thank you.
Late Starters Caveat: If you want to jump on the bandwagon feel free to do it at any time before August 15, 2011. But, the end is August 31, 2011 regardless of when you start.
What you can and cannot consume on the Great American Apparel Diet
Let’s first discuss the things you can guzzle without guilt:
- Clothes currently in your closet, on hooks, in your drawers or on your floors. Go crazy, gobble them up as long as they are not new. Allow me to dissect the semantics of the word “new.” New is anything that resembles a complex carbohydrate (something you pay for). An item is “not new,” if it something a person gives you. Now, this can be complicated for you late night snackers who don’t think midnight calories count. Do not–you cannot write a check to your husband or best friend and give them instructions or a wish list for your “must haves.” Those calories do technically count and once you go there you’re off the wagon and you’re likely to roll chubb-ily downhill.
- Footwear (technically boots that morph into a skirt are suspect and are considered apparel).
- Accessories. I will refer to Webster on this one: Noun: An article or set of articles of dress, as gloves, earrings, or a scarf, that adds completeness, attractiveness, etc. to one’s basic outfit.
- Underwear—every girl should have a great pair of clean underwear on at all times and I will say no more.
Now let’s discuss those nasty items that are sure to leave you bloated and disgusted with yourself:
- New clothes, the ones you pay money for (this includes outerwear, athletic wear and Halloween costumes).
If you would like to join please send a picture and brief bio (see bios of bloggers on this site for inspiration) to firstname.lastname@example.org and we will gladly set you up with your username, password and adminstrative login site. Remember, only serious dieters need apply.