Today was my first ever real temptation – in a way that I was so tremendously close to buying something, that I actually went to try it on, fell head over heels in love with it, and was ready to take it to the cash register…and then, then I changed my mind. But, like every other ‘real’ story, my story of almost buying a piece of clothing (if anyone is curious, it was an astonishingly beautiful lace t-shirt, perfect for layering…and I was wearing my jeans and a black jacket, and after trying out the t-shirt, it all looked so beautiful that for a moment I actually believed I really, really needed it to make my life a bit more cute&pretty) also has a background to it – and the background is, I find, much more important than the actual act.
The past few weeks of my life have been both gorgeous and sad in a way. Gorgeous because I have been able to spend them with almost all the favorite people in my life (some of whom have traveled great lengths to come and surprise me, which is probably the most beautiful thing anyone has ever done for me), and sad because I have finally realized why the diet frustrates me so much sometimes. OK, ‘finally realized’ is a bit too much to say – I have known it all along, but it is not something that one would say out loud and be proud of it. But the truth is, the source of my frustrations is simple: my inability to afford new and beautiful things, not in bulks but when it comes to selected pieces, makes me feel comparatively ’smaller’ sometimes when confronted with people around me, who are able to, whenever they want to, afford themselves a new little thing or two, be it 250-euro shoes (that I have also craved for, but which I couldn’t afford in a dream at the moment) or simple headpieces that I always have a soft spot for. Yes – what frustrates me is really not the diet itself, but the recession, and the fact that I have to learn to live without as an imposed rule. If I knew I could do as I wished, than I would find it much less problematic – but to know that you simply cannot do something can be frustrating on occasions…but then again, as I’ve said this morning to dear friend who is currently in the same situation as me – who knows, maybe this whole experience will teach us some modesty, which is really not a bad thing. And besides, the new clothes eventually become old clothes, and the hype of possessing something brand new wears off – and with or without it, we’re still the same old, fun, great girls that we are, and we should be happy about that instead of frustrated about our silly cravings! 
But if all this is so, how did I come to grab the gorgeous lace top in the first place?
Well, as we all know, sometimes shopping for things has very little to do with the things themselves, and much more with our emotional states…And for the past few days, I’ve been feeling a tiny bit alone – due to a strange set of circumstances, I ended up being in a foreign city, living in a house full of people who speak a different language and we can barely communicate, and without real friends to take for some coffee and conversations, which is something that always adds some happiness to my life. And while yesterday it was wonderful, since I took my time to wonder around the city, this morning I woke up with a fever that made me feel sad and alone – and in need of some comforting. And since none was in sight, I decided that wandering around the heated, safe and colorful paths of the local mall should be my activity of the day – and the wandering led me to the store, the store had the top, and the top seemed like a piece of happiness I desperately needed. Logical, no?
Well, not really. Standing there in the middle of the store with the top in my hand, I realized how stupid the idea of buying warmth and happiness was – and right on time, just before I bought the top. And so I put it back on the hanger, said goodbye to the mall, went for a long walk – and ended up spending money after all! On eggs and jam, which I used to make a million pancakes for my non-English (or Croatian, for that matter) speaking hosts when I came home. And the discovery of the day? People seem to communicate much easier over good food (yeah, as if I didn’t know that one before), pancakes are useful when attempting to get people to smile, and for feeling loved, sometimes it takes so little – like an SMS from a loved one far far away, who you know will be coming back to you soon. Go figure!
And tomorrow? No worries, I am definitely not buying that top either, even if it is darn pretty and really cheap. Tomorrow I am taking myself for coffee and some general discovering of this beautiful city, so that we would be strangers no more – and I am sure that, in a big latte and some fabulous local potato-filled pies, spiced up with some sunshine and a good book, is where my happiness will lie
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I really enjoyed this post. I admire your restriant – even when sorely tempted – and agree that there really are few things better than a good book, a good cup of coffee, and a new city to explore. Enjoy your trip!
Thank you for sharing your story. What a great read! And good reminder that while eggs and jam might not last as long as a lace t-shirt, the goodwill of your home-cooked gesture will live on and pay dividends that a t-shirt never would.
I can SOOO identify with your post (well, not the being in a foreign country where no one speaks my language part, but the part about “the source of my frustrations is simple: my inability to afford new and beautiful things… makes me feel comparatively ’smaller’ sometimes when confronted with people around me, who are able to, whenever they want to, afford themselves a new little thing or two”). I hear ya!!!
Luckily, TGAAD has enabled me to take something that I felt was happening TO me (recession-imposed über-frugality) and turn it around so that it became a conscious choice again. But sometimes I do still allow myself to feel “smaller” when I’m around others who are buying things they want (clothes, furniture, jewelry, you name it) when they want it.
Well, I think you had the right idea about “buying warmth and happiness”… it just took the form of pancakes instead of a cute top!
Normally I don’t believe in support groups and similar things at all, but this has been one major exception for me – thank you all three for your comments, you made me re-think my decision to join the diet and, even more importantly, to stick to it
I actually went back to the store, had another tryout of that cute shirt – and realized that it’s just a shirt, after all, and it’s not quite as special as it appeared in the first place. Sure, it’s cute – but I’ve made a promise to myself, and I am sticking to it 
YAYYYY… good for you! And how cool is it that the shirt didn’t seem quite so special after all upon closer examination!? Keep rockin’ the pancakes!