I have three kids: two boys and a girl. Throughout their young lives, my husband and I have tried to instill in all of them the knowledge that they can be and do whatever they want. Boy? Girl? Doesn’t matter – just go out and do your thing (yes, we have read too many parenting books).
Thus far, we’ve been moderately successful. All three kids like the same sort of activities: all play and build with blocks, trains, and Legos; all dig making art projects, dancing, and raiding the dress up bin; and none of them is above holding a serious conversation with a stuffed animal. In some regards, we may have been too successful: our elder son is both convinced that he will be president and that it is perfectly acceptable to wear a pearl necklace he made from some old beads to school.
Nevertheless, and in spite of our best efforts notto make clothes a central concern of her existence, our daughter is a budding fashionista. Last night, she argued against the pjs I picked out for her. Although they were color coordinated, they were a fail because (and I quote): “There is a ballerina on the top, mom. And the bottoms are striped. I need either the striped top or the ballerina bottoms. I can’t just wear things because they are pink.” Duh. She’s 3.
She is equally particular with all of her outfits. They are not pretty per se, but they are decidedly her. On some days, she will pull on three different t-shirts, in different colors and patterns, increase the eye pain with pink plaid pants, then stand in front of the mirror and deliberately insert between 4 and 6 variously colored barrettes into her mop of hair. On others, she’ll choose a meticulously coordinated tights-skirt-shirt combo. She rolls up her jeans with a consistency and a precision that would make most Gap employees jealous; she puts her shoes on the wrong feet because she thinks it looks better.
I can’t decide if she’s doing this because she’s a girl, and is thus somehow hardwired to focus on her looks, or if she has been subtly conditioned to care more about her appearance. Maybe it’s neither – maybe it’s just her. Maybe her clothes are just another way of expressing her budding self: asserting her independence, showing her love of color (and plaid), and showcasing her differences from her brothers. I stopped reading feminist theory in 1993, and have spent a lot of time on those parenting books, so I’d like to think it’s just her. But, as I help her put yet another elastic in her hair, I wonder…
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Kristin, with three boys in our house and one man-boy I am here to tell you….it’s a girl thing. I used to think it was all nurture but now I am convinced that it is nature. Though they do all stop and stare when I am wearing something fancy. I only wish I had the free “brain space” they have. Think about how much time and energy goes into thinking about appearance. I am certain that collectively our boys spend about ten minutes a day thinking about how they look.
Interesting topic…last year my son came home with his school picture and he was wrapped in a pink boa, tiara and heels. He was standing next to your son dressed in the clothes you had put on him that day – the no costume, the classic boy look. I love that kids can be so expressive about the way they look and also, come to the conclusion that they don’t need to care about it,either. Liam goes back and forth between wanting to wear Spiderman and Lightening McQueen garb and then dabbles in trying to walk in pink heels. I love it!
Oh God did this make me laugh! I have two girls…now 10 and 18. I have never had the pleasure of ‘dressing’ my girls in those pretty, cute little ensembles. They both have been dressing themselves since they were 2. I ‘let go’ a long time ago as to what ‘they should look like’. I’ve kind of enjoyed it over the years. As you mentioned, it is amazing what they put together and what they feel is beautiful. I love that it doesn’t conform to what we feel is appropriate. They are truly expressing themselves in this one form and I think it is wonderful as long as it’s not the only dimension in which they do that. It sounds like you’re doing a wonderful job Mama!