The Great American Apparel Diet

no buying for one year

Ok girls, and one guy.  We do have one guy now, though we are yet to hear from him on the blog.  Anyway, back to my point.  Last week I posted the poll over there to your right.  It’s sort of a trite, yes/no kind of a poll.  I was in a hurry and was getting tired of the old department store versus boutique poll and thought it was time for some poll freshen-ing up.  And the: Is it easy?or Is it hard? poll was the best I could do that day.   When I published the question I was feeling proud and sassy, as if I could go a lifetime without buying anything new.   Well today is another story.  To say “who’s idea was this anyway,” would be saying it lightly.  It’s more like who’s!@#$%^&*()_ing idea was this anyway?   You see we have had record breaking sunshine in Seattle and temperatures hovering around 58 degrees.  It’s like Mother’s Day in February which is giving me some insight into my very limited warm weather wardrobe.  What pray tell will I wear when the real mother’s day gets here?   At least in the winter you can layer a great coat over a bad outfit. Not so in warm weather.  Can you say painter’s smock?  Perhaps I’ll pick up the paintbrush again. 

So back to the poll.  Last week this diet business was easy….this week?  Un frickin’ bearable.  I want something bright, snappy and new.  The good news is…tomorrow I will likely feel differently.  Hang in there girls, and our one guy! 

Sincerly, your fearless leader

Tweet This Post

Last night I was out with a good friend I haven’t seen in a while—it’s a schedule issue really.  My friend, she’s fabulous.  She’s married, no kids, big corporate VP job with all the accolades, notoriety and wardrobe that go along with the job.  She picked me up wearing a chic skirt, which later I learned she bought in London while on a four-city whirl wind business trip.  She had on the latest laced knee high boots and a super snappy pancho that she could pull over her head when she felt a drop of rain. 

Flash to me, older mom barely holding it together and deprived of a “new wardrobe.”  For a living?  Well, I manage to piece together a paycheck as I toggle from home to the office to school.  I am not above taking conference calls from the bedroom closet, (lest my clients detect that I am home with kids and two rambunctious cats), or writing marketing plans in the doctor’s office or from the bleachers of a baseball game.

I greet my friend at the door wearing the same jeans I have been wearing for the last 5 days (and by the way they have gotten a little baggy from the wear which somehow makes me feel thin).   Under last year’s black wrap-around sweater coat I wear a stained oatmeal colored crewneck sweater that has seen better days.   On my feet I wear my favorite pair of black Dansko clogs because everything else just hurts.  The good news is I have a fresh application of lipstick on . The bad news?  it’s  all the makeup I have on.  Upstairs, before the doorbell rang, I gave myself a cursory glance in the floor length mirror that hangs behind the closet.  I could have sworn I looked good, but once I see my friend on the doorstep it becomes painfully clear that I do not.

My friend smells good.  She has her fancy rings on her fingers and the latest watch on her wrist.  I notice her bling as I reach up to my ear and realize I forgot to put my earrings on all together. My friend says she had to “Escape from work.” In her words, “They will just have to move forward without me.”  I long to be in such hot demand from someone taller than my shoulder.  My friend told her people that she had a prior commitment and had to leave the office early.  No corporate mukety muck would understand the point of going out with a girlfriend at 5:30pm on a Monday night.  But my babysitter has a curfew and I have to be home by 10pm at the very latest.  This is standard operating procedure for me and my mommy friends who are often buzzed by 7pm and in bed by 10pm. 

When I am with my friend sans children and the big career I feel like The Great American Apparel Diet is stupid.  Like I have set myself up for frumpsville.  I feel like my career of juggling kids, a business and the occasional trip to the gym is just an excuse for a distracted and sometimes unattractive scattered existence.   What I wear is a long way down the  list of things I worry about these days, partially because I have taken up the new and brave effort to consciously consume or simply to not consume.  Seeing my friend makes me want to go to Barneys and spend like Katie Holmes.  I am moved to buy things that I know I will hate in a year, clothes that are conspicuously fashionable and expensive and well beyond my credit line.  I want clothing that says “she’s a risk taker!”   Clothes can do that you know. 

My fashionable and important, high profile friend and I  had a good time noshing on sushi and sipping saki. We skipped the movie in lieu of conversation and caramelized bananas.   I eventually forgot what I was wearing and I stopped coveting my friend’s outfit.  We discussed cancer, death and dying.  We talked about her and her husband’s effort to adopt a child, about my ever changing career and the shifting sands of the advertising business. 

After dinner my friend drove me home  just in time to relieve Rachel the babysitter (before she morphed into a winter squash). We hugged in the car and promised to get together “sooner than later.”  

Inside I chatted with Rachel and paid her in cash for watching my proidgy.  As she loaded her backpack and put on her shoes she said, “Hey, I like your sweater, where’d you get it?”   It made me laugh.  “It’s from last year…Nordstrom,” I offered, knowing that she’d never find it this year and glad that someone was coveting my wardrobe.

Tweet This Post

O.K. I don’t wear dresses much; it is largely due to three major issues.  1) It is often rainy where I live and the thought of a soiled dress makes me feel all washed up. 2)  I can’t sprint on demand in a dress (you never know when that will be necessary). 3) I have cankles. 

So, when I closed the poll for the most expensive piece of apparel ever purchased and the “dress” won I was somewhat surprised.   And it didn’t win by a small margin, in fact I would say it won by a landslide.  Out of 89 responses, 44 said the most expensive piece of apparel they had ever purchased was a dress.  In a close second was the sweater at 21.   I was one of the people who said sweater. 

So what gives girls?  My guess is that those expensive dresses are gathering dust at the back of some closets?  Could I be wrong?  Please someone write in defense of the dress!

Tweet This Post

My friend and fellow dieter Jeannine  turned 50 on Saturday.  She celebrated with a lovely semi-formal dinner at her house.  She looked amazing in a tight little red dress that I remember talking her into buying about three years ago.  It is one of those timeless shealths that will last forever as long as she doesn’t gain a pound.  She’s a Bar Method addict so I don’t anticipate that happening anytime soon.  And for those of you who don’t know the Bar Method, you should check it out.   I looked pretty fab-o too in my old fancy clothes.  I wore a fish tail, black maxi skirt, (about 10 years old) with a great grey, low neck sweater  (3 years old).    Many of TGAAD dieters basked in the glow of our first friend turning 50.

Today I was hurtling down the freeway when Sean, one of my male friends who was also at Jeannine’s party, called to rehash the event, “I can’t believe Jeannine is 50!”  He said, a comment that I would expect from one of my female friends who seem to take closer look at those things.  “So what does “50″ look like anyway?” I asked him.  “Older than Jeannine.”

I think 50 is a number, much like 80 or 30, it carries some baggage. In my youth “50″ meant you were on the backside of life bracing yourself as you slid down the steep hill to something unimginable–not sure what.  Though my parents have never looked their age I assumed everyone else started to lose their youthful glow when they hit the halfway mark.  Jeannine, however, is living proof that 50 is the new 30 (does that mean 30 is the new 10?). 

I must say it is nice to have a friend who can pave the way.  I will be 50 in three years and 183 days, but who’s counting?  It is an ominious stake in the sand one that haunts me now and then, usually at soemone elses’ birthday celebration.  I think being “middle-aged,” has a lot to do with my current clothing frustration and quandary, the one that helped to spawn the TGAAD.  What does a modern 50 year old woman look like anyway?  How does she dress?  What is the look?   I guess I have my answer.  Thanks Jeannine.

Tweet This Post

Wednesday night I went to see music genius Ben Folds play a concert with the Seattle Symphony.  It was rockin’; such a great concert. I left elated and wishing I had some musical talent that went beyond the 20 song repertoire I learned on the piano in junior high.  My rendition of Beth by Kiss isn’t really something anyone wants to listen to. 

While the show left me inspired musically I was tortured fashionly (I bet you didn’t know that word existed, did you?).  Anyway, Seattle was out in its finest Mad Men regalia.  Who knew?  I felt frumpy in my black peg legged jeans, purple clogs, black turtleneck and mustard sweater.  I realized I was becoming the Seattle stereotype.  The good news was I wasn’t wearing a gown with a ski jacket (that’s my Seattle pet peeve).   I couldn’t’ believe all the hot outfits, cute coats, bright red lipstick and coiffed hairdos. 

I voiced my observations to Kalen, my 14 year old stepson, date for the evening and musical hopeful.  He assured me we looked great, “like hipsters.” He certainly looked the part with his Flock of Seagulls hairdo, oversized red sweatshirt, baggy jeans and skate shoes.  But let me say it here, while I was flattered that my teenager thought we belonged in the same fashion category, I don’t want to be a 46 year old hipster. 

I left the symphony pining for a trip to Les Amis to buy a bright Joan Holloway dress.  I wanted to just say pa-shaw to this experiment and break the chains of restraint.  Go wild buy like a banshee and throw caution to the wind.  Update like I have never updated before.  I was like a recovering cat nip addict smothered in cat nip toys.  I began to perspire.  I wanted to look snappy, bright and oh so current and was willing to lose my reputation and just go for it.   And then….I got home, changed into my favorite pajama bottoms and t-shirt, checked on my sleeping babe, called my husband who was on a business trip, cleaned my kitchen, checked my e-mail and promptly forgot about my agitation.  I slept that night dreaming that Ben Folds had a crush on me.  Life after the rush is not so bad–just keep me away from the Symphony.

Tweet This Post

Hey GAAD bloggers.  We have a new member to add to our roster of girls giving up the goods for a year.  I think we should start passing out keychains for every month that we succeed in our abstinence.  It’s kind of an AA inspiration.  Keychains aside, let’s have a rouding applause for our new dieter Amy Tucker!

Amy Tucker, 38, Seattle, WA. A Taurus who loves art and luxury (including really good chocolate and great clothes); an artist obsessed with nature, cups and consumerism; Seattle Art Museum board member and president of the Contemporary Art Council; yogini; snow boarder; fledging guitar player; founder and CEO of Matter Group, a company focused on sustainability; and creator of Xeko, an eco-adventure game and eco-toys for kids; Amy’s interests and fashion needs run diverse and deep. Having been on a three-year mission to transition her wardrobe to 100% “eco-friendly,” retiring old items in favor of Green Festival and local fashion finds, the apparel diet offers an interesting test—can Amy walk the green walk without new bamboo outfits and organic cotton to back her up? And just when eco-fashion actually has beautiful and interesting fashions to offer? Confronted by the apparel diet, these are the demons Amy’s wrestling with… who knows what skeletons will jump out of this eco-fashionista’s closet.

Tweet This Post

Hey guys, I would like to introduce you to Lois, our newest member of TGAAD.  Lois stumbled upon our blog while at the clog party with her best friend Julie from Show Pony.  She thinks going on the diet is going to be easy for her.  I think the reasons for her confidence are self explanatory. 

Julie, on accident, left Lois at my house after the party.  Lois  held court on our kitchen counter for five days.  My son dressed her in a sponge bob hat and claimed that she was “super creepy.”  My husband begged me to send Lois home, he didn’t like her personality.  He said he thought she was too quiet and he felt judged when she stared at him.  I don’t know, I kind of liked having Lois around—another woman to talk to in a house full of boys.  Anyway, yesterday after a lot of pressure from my family I returned Lois to Julie at Showpony.  It was a sad goodbye.  We hugged in the car and promised to stay in touch via the blog.  We both cried. 

And that’s when things really got interesting. 

Upon entering Show Pony (the cutest little store in all of Seattle) Lois whispered, “Look at all the amazing new clothes Julie has.”  My instincts were to slap her…such a temptress.  But I  didn’t dare do that within eye or earshot of the sales girl behind the counter.  I had no idea Lois could be such a bitch (you never really know anyone do you?).  Anyway, I told the sales woman that I was returning Lois.  She was excited to have her back in the store,  (I suspect it gets lonely without Lois around to talk to when things get slow).  I handed Lois to her and she set her on the counter, put a hat on her head and scarf around her neck.  Lois was transformed.  See what a few accessories can to do to a girl? I have to say, Lois looked amazing.   The hat was purple,  her color.

Of course, I couldn’t leave the store without touching some of the latest and greatest apparel on the racks.  But every time I stopped to ponder a new silhouette Lois screeched ….”Buy it!”  “You have to have it!”  “I won’t tell the other girls on the blog.”   “Do it!”  Lois was becoming Bride of Chuckie. “It will look fabulous on you,” she hissed.   It was a little like being in AA and having your best friend tell you to “chug it.”  Where’s the empathy? 

I was mad at first but then I realized Lois is just angry.  And that’s o.k.  We can’t all be perfect.   Perhaps this taunting is her way of getting back at the universe for just giving her a head, neck and décolletage.  I think we as a group can help her through that. 

But wow, if she’s angry now wait till she sees Stephanie’s body in a leotard.  

Can you all join me in welcoming Lois?  Welcome Lois!  We are looking forward to reading your blogs.

Tweet This Post

Hi all, since I am the moderator of this group I feel like I have a good handle on everyone who has embarked on the diet.  I know a lot of you are busy and may not have had time to dig into who’s who on this blog.  The more I know about all these people the more fun it is to read about their trials and tribulations.  I will give you a sampling.  One of us was a cop in San Francisco and is a self-described sharp shooter, the other has her own Etsy crochet shop, another is an architect and interior designer one is a professional chef and several are amatuer chefs.  A few are authors, one is an attorney, two are yoga teachers, one is an eyebrow sculptor, another is an executive at a large enviornmental non-profit and many are business owners and moms.  We are a far flung group with one hailing from Canada, another from the UK, one from the midwest, south, southwest, southeast and west coast.  It’s an impressive crowd.  The youngest is 24 years old and the oldest will be 50 this year (she’s wondering what in the heck she is going to wear for her 50th birthday party).  Wowa!  What a great group.  Get to know each other, trade some clothes, book recommendations and stories of restraint!  Most importantly have fun together.

Tweet This Post

So Saturday was my birthday. That means I got a card from Anthropologie to get 15% off of everything I buy during one shopping event. Since I am on board with the Weight Watchers of clothes shopping, I can not buy anything. Since I think retail is for idiots, this creates a lot of psychic dissonance for me. What to do? I can’t give the card to a friend because it is for ME and only me!
This appears to be getting more difficult on day 2.

Tweet This Post

Can I just have a moment? Can I just forget about my clothes diet and spend a much much more important moment, or hour, or evening thinking about Patrick Swayze – and the happiness he brought to my life as a college girl??? 1987 – Dirty Dancing – who was he? How could he move his hips like that? And how did that Jennifer Grey chick get THAT role? Why not me?
Well for starters, I was neither actress nor starlet. Dancer yes. But Hollywood no. Patrick was the first “adult” crush I truly had. (Shaun Cassidy when I was 8, but Patrick when I was 20+). I send my thoughts to his family. Black will be my clothing choice tomorrow. OR should it be white? White – in memory of that dirty, Dirty Dancing Scene…. oh…. wait…it’s after Labor Day…. no white for you gals out there….

Tweet This Post